Thursday, February 25, 2016

Monday, January 18, 2016

Here's How to Get Your Girlfriend "in the Mood" When You're in Bed

Here's How to Get Your Girlfriend "in the Mood" When You're in Bed

"Sometimes my girlfriend just isn’t 'into it.' Is there a way to get her in the mood?" — TED B., COLUMBUS, GA
Part of why women can have trouble getting turned on sometimes is because they struggle with tuning in at that moment. The corpus callosum—the fibers that join the brain’s hemispheres—seem to be a little stronger in women, which may make them great multitaskers but could also make it harder for them to focus on sex because they’re thinking of 10,000 other things at the same time.
What to do? Some women may want you to talk dirty, but women as a group rank intimacy and connection with a partner No. 1 for sexual satisfaction, so show her you understand her and are tuned in and the odds are she’ll come around

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Thursday, January 7, 2016

How long will it take me to recover after giving birth?

When will I be back to normal after giving birth?” is a common question for pregnant women. And while the traditional answer is “at around the six-week checkup”, the world is now full of celebrities modelling bikinis within a couple of weeks, and mothers on forums saying they’re having sex mere days later. Women who aren’t joyfully trampolining by six weeks may feel they’ve failed to recover quickly enough.
The solution

Thank goodness for Janis M Miller’s research team at the School of Nursing at the University of Michigan. Their study of 68 women shows in glorious MRI detail the trauma that babies can inflict on a woman’s pelvic floor. The women, who had MRIs at seven weeks and again at eight months after delivery, were in a high-risk category having pushed for longer than was ideal or having needed forceps. But Miller was still surprised by the amount of damage done to the crucial levator ani muscle, which acts as a sling to support the vagina, bladder and bowel in the pelvis. Just over 40% had levator ani tears on the MRI scan – and in seven the muscle had come away from the pubic bone. A quarter of the women had fractures of their pubic bone.

Normally, these women would not have had an MRI scan, and their injuries would have remained invisible.

Miller says she isn’t advocating MRI scans for all new mothers, just acknowledging that standard recovery period – six weeks – won’t be true for everyone. Indeed, Miller found pubic bone fractures in some women had not healed by seven months. Women who, after three months still have pain in their pelvis, can’t contract their pelvic muscle (Kegel exercises) and find sex hurts them should see their doctor. “The levator ani muscle has to stretch three times its normal length in childbirth,” says Miller. “Our data shows a wide range of time for women to complete their healing after a very strenuous birth. Women are not given permission to have more time to recover after childbirth.”

How quickly you get over childbirth, of course, varies enormously. An Australian study of 204 women found high levels of exhaustion, back pain, urinary incontinence, sexual problems and perineal pain at six to seven months after giving birth. These physical problems increased the risk of depression in new mothers.

You might be lucky but if you’re struggling, it may be because you haven’t fully healed yet. If you don’t feel right, see your doctor – and don’t feel you’ve failed some mythical maternity test.


How much sex will make me happy?

You can’t have too much of a good thing, can you? And sex is definitely a good thing. Several studies show that couples are likely to be satisfied with their relationship when they have more sex. But small kids, work worries or a new Scandinavian crime series can downgrade sex as the activity of choice. So wouldn’t it be nice to know exactly how much sex you need to have a happy relationship?

The solution

Well, according to a study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, the magic number is once a week. The study used data on sexual frequency and happiness from more than 30,000 Americans who took the General Social Survey between 1989-2012. The survey found that couples were happier if they had more sex, but that more than once a week didn’t increase their happiness. The once-a-week rule held true regardless of age, sex, or length of relationship. The study found no link between happiness and how often someone had sex if they were single.

Amy Muise, the lead author, says that this is the first study to show a curvilinear relationship between sex and happiness – that the association levels off at once a week rather than being linear.

The take-home message, she says, is that the pressure is off – the average person doesn’t have to have sex as often as possible. “Sex,” she says, “does not have limitless benefits for wellbeing such that more is always better. Instead, it seems that only too little is bad.”


While other studies show that men report higher sexual desire than women, this research suggests that having sex more than once a week doesn’t make them any happier. The study did not look at quality of sex, but research suggests that couples feel mostly positive about their sexual experiences. Muise says positive feelings about sex last for at least the next day, so, strictly speaking, it is unlikely that daily sex is ever necessary.

The average amount of sex that couples have is, in fact, once a week, though this is not the optimum amount of sex if you are trying for a baby.


This new study shows only an association, not causation, but it follows a study published last May in the Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization that found couples who were having sex about once a week and were asked to double their amount of sex enjoyed it less and were slightly less happy than before. The authors concluded that asking couples to have more sex may not be the best idea – people have to want to initiate it for themselves, not for a research study. Muise’s study did not find that more sex made couples unhappy – only that having too little had that effect


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Woman

The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Woman

sexual problem in woman

 The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Woman

 Sometimes, even the simplest of phrases can piss a woman off. (“Calm down” comes to mind.) Why? Because words—however innocuous they may seem to you—always carry meaning to her: “[Women’s] brains are more wired for communication,” says Jaiya, a sex educator and author of Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: A Kinky Guide to the Best Sex Ever. “So words are going to have a little bit more weight to a woman than to a man.”

The upshot: That means your words can be a powerful aphrodisiac for your partner—a way to tap into her desire, any time of day. And there are some that work for almost every woman out there: “Words that help her feel wanted, desired, and sexy are going to usually universally trigger women,” says Jaiya. “They go from their ears down to their genitals,” she says.

Ready to memorize her sexual dictionary? Read on to start learning her language.

     1. "Yes."

Most women don’t want a yes man—i.e., a pushover—but they do love a guy who knows what he wants. “We’re attracted to men who are certain and decisive,” says DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach. “When a man speaks like that—‘yes’ or ‘absolutely’—it shows that certainty.” It also says you’re a guy who’s willing to do what makes her happy, including in the bedroom: “If she lets out a moan and you say, ‘yes,’ it gives her permission to go even deeper into her pleasure,” says Jaiya. “It helps her let go.”

   2. “Jessica.”


No, don’t call every woman Jessica. But yell (or whisper) your partner's name when you’re in the throes of passion. “Female pleasure is narcissistic,” says Jaiya. “Hearing her name makes her feel special. It’s about her, like, you’re the irresistible one. You’re the one with the magic hoo-hoo. It’s not about someone random.” In other words, tacking on her name is a dynamite way to reassure her that she prompted your pleasure, not some fantasy woman in your head.
3. “Love.”
"I love you” isn’t the only way to drop the “L” word—simply saying you love a specific part of her body will effortlessly ignite her desire. “The connotation of ‘love’ is intense and special,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Philadelphia and author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy. “’I like the way you look’ is lukewarm, but ‘I love the way you look’ sounds very positive and passionate.”
4. “Tight.”
There are two no-fail ways to use this word: in reference to her vagina, or when you're admiring her awesomely toned body. The former is especially powerful in the sack, because “every woman wants to feel like she’s virgin-esque to her man,” explains Lorraine. “It’s assurance that she’s making her man feel good and he’s aroused.” Read: You’re not only complimenting the youthfulness of her body—you’re also letting her know that she’s playing a potent role in your pleasure. “Actually describe to her how good she feels inside,” suggests Jaiya.

5. “Wet

Whereas everyone can see your erection, only you can detect her lubrication. “That’s a very intimate thing—you’re both in on the secret, that she’s turned on by you,” says Lorraine. Even referencing her wetness before she’s fully aroused can help produce the desired response: “The brain sometimes doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t,” says Jaiya. “When you tell a woman, ‘You’re getting so wet,’ her body will respond."

6. “You.”

Emphasize the woman—not the act. If you say, “You really turn me on,” you’re giving props specifically to your partner, says Goldman, but if you say, “I’m really turned on,” you’re just focusing on your own sexual experience. “She wants to know that there’s something about her that is arousing to you,” Goldman explains. Or as Jaiya puts it, “Tell her how she’s affecting you. That lets a woman know she is desired.”

7. “Cock.”

During couples counseling sessions, Jaiya reads off a list of erotic words, and asks the woman to raise her hand with one in particular that arouses her. What she consistently finds: Females choose “cock” over “penis,” “prick,” or “dick.” “Dick is more derogatory, like, ‘He’s a dick,’ or it’s a joke word,” she says. “But cock is very strong and masculine.” To preserve its erotic power, avoid using “cock” in everyday chit-chat with your partner—save it for your most intimate moments, Lorraine advises. That way, “it’s a little taboo and X-rated,” she says

8. "Hot pocket."

No, the microwaveable dinners aren’t the new aphrodisiac—this is a slang term for her vagina, and oddly enough, women love it. When Jaiya does the sexual trigger words exercise with couples, “almost everyone will raise their hands on hot pocket,” she says. Lesson learned: “If your woman has a sense of humor, don’t be afraid of funny words.” Coining sexual catchphrases that make you laugh can actually be an act of intimacy—a shared joke that only the two of you are in on, says Jaiya.

9. “Need.”

In case you haven’t watched the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, let us catch you up: Women want to be wanted—and they don’t want you to be shy about it. “Right now, in our culture, women are yearning to be desired,” says Jaiya. “It’s a backlash against the feminist movement—we taught all our guys to be really, really nice. They kind of apologize for their desire.” But now, girls want guys to be anything but reluctant. “We want to know you’re going crazy for us,” says Lorraine. So start verbalizing your desire by saying, “I need you so bad.” Hint: Save this one for times when you’re mutually starved for sex, like when you’ve been away on a business trip. That way, your desire doesn’t feel like a demand.

10. “Come.”

It’s perhaps the only word that simultaneously conveys desire, pleasure, orgasm, and loss of control, according to a recent paper in Sexuality & Culture. And that’s exactly why it’s so packed with erotic potential. But before you spout off, “I want to make you come,” make sure you’ve actually done so in the past—otherwise the word may just make her feel pressured to perform, says Lorraine. (Likewise, if your partner is rarely able to climax, this shouldn’t be your go-to line.) You can even try a little reverse psychology: “Play with orgasm control, like ‘You’re not allowed to come,’” says Jaiya. “Playing with that word within a power dynamic can be really hot.”

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Sunday, December 13, 2015

2014 Sexually Transmitted Diseases Surveillance

Sexually Transmitted
National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Reported STDs in the United States
2014 National Data for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis
This fact sheet summarizes 2014 data on chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis published in CDC’s annual report,
Transmitted Disease Surveillance, 2014
 (available at
). The data are based on state and local STD
case reports from a variety of private and public sources. They indicate that the majority of cases are reported in non-STD
clinic settings, such as private physician offices and health maintenance organizations.
Many cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis continue to go undiagnosed and unreported, and data on several
additional STDs — such as human papillomavirus, herpes simplex virus, and trichomoniasis — are not routinely reported
to CDC. As a result, the annual surveillance report captures only a fraction of the true burden of STDs in America.
However, it provides important insights into the scope, distribution, and trends in STD diagnoses in the country.
STDs are a substantial health challenge facing the United States. CDC estimates that nearly 20 million new sexually
transmitted infections occur every year in this country, half among young people aged 15–24, and account for almost
$16 billion in health care costs. Each of these infections is a potential threat to an individual’s immediate and long-term
health and well-being. In addition to increasing a person’s risk for acquiring and transmitting HIV infection, STDs can lead
to severe reproductive health complications, such as infertility and ectopic pregnancy.
Snapshot: STDs in the United States, 2014
In 2014, increases were seen in all three nationally report
ed STDs. The approximately 1.4 million cases of chlamydia
represent the highest number of annual cases of any condition ever reported to CDC. Substantial increases were
also seen among reported cases of gonorrhea and syphilis. While young people and women are most severely
affected by STDs, increasing rates among men contributed to the overall increase in 2014 across all diseases.

Cases reported in 2014: 1,441,789
Rate per 100,000 people: 456.1; increase of 2.8%
since 2013
Cases reported in 2014: 350,062
Rate per 100,000 people: 110.7; increase of 5.1%
since 2013
Syphilis (primary and secondary)
Cases reported in 2014: 19,999 
Rate per 100,000 people: 6.3; 15.1% increase
since 2013
Syphilis (congenital)
Cases reported in 2014: 458 
Rate per 100,000 live births: 11.6; 27.5% increase
since 2013
Some Groups Bear a Disproportionate Burden of STDs
While anyone can become infected with an STD, certain groups, including young people and gay and bisexual men, are at
greatest risk.
Gonorrhea and chlamydia primarily affect young people
Surveillance data shows both the numbers and rates of reported cases of chlamydia and gonorrhea continues to be highest
among young people aged 15-24.
Both young men and young women are heavily affected by STDs — but young women face the most serious long-term health
consequences. It is estimated that undiagnosed STDs cause more than 20,000 women to become infertile each year.
Most Reported Chlamydia and Gonorrhea Infections Occur among 15–24-Year-Olds
Percentages may not add to  100 because ages were unknown for a small number of cases.
350,062 Cases
1,441,789 Cases
17%                     10%
18%                        11%        4%
Troubling rise in syphilis infections among
men, particularly gay and bisexual men
Gay and Bisexual Men Face Highest – and Rising –
Number of Syphilis Inf
Note: Based on available data from states reporting sex of sex partners

2012          2013         2014

 Men who have Sex with Men       
† †
 Men who have Sex with Women
Trend data show rates of syphilis are increasing at an alarming
rate (15.1 percent in 2014). While rates have increased
among both men and women, men account for more than
90 percent of all primary and secondary syphilis cases. Men
who have sex with men (MSM)* account for 83 percent of
male cases where the sex of the sex partner is known. Primary
and secondary syphilis are the most infectious stages of the
disease, and if not adequately treated, can lead to long-term
infection which can cause visual impairment and stroke.
Syphilis infection can also place a person at increased risk for
acquiring or transmitting HIV infection. Available surveillance
data indicate that an average of half of MSM who have
syphilis are also infected with HIV.
Disparities result from a range of factors
A number of individual risk behaviors (such as higher numbers of lifetime sex partners), as well as environmental, social
and cultural fac
tors (such as higher prevalence of STDs or difficulty accessing quality health care) contribute to disparities
in the sexual health of gay and bisexual men. For example, gay and bisexual men with lower economic status may have
trouble accessing and affording quality healthcare, making it difficult to receive STD testing and other prevention services.
Additionally, complex issues like homophobia and stigma can also make it difficult for gay and bisexual men to find
culturally-sensitive and appropriate care and treatment.
*  The term men who have sex with men is used in CDC surveillance systems because it indicates the behaviors that transmit infection, rather than how individuals self-identify
in terms of their sexuality.
STD Screening is Critical:
If you are sexually active, be sure to talk to your healthcare provider about STD testing and which tests may be
right for you.
If you are a sexually active woman younger than
25, or have risk factors such as new or multiple sex
partners, you should request annual chlamydia and
gonorrhea tests.
If you are a pregnant woman, you should request
syphilis, HIV, chlamydia, and hepatitis B tests early
in your pregnancy. If you have new or multiple sex
partners, you should also request gonorrhea testing
early in pregnancy.
Gay and bisexual men:
If you are a sexually active man who is gay, bisexual,
or has sex with men, you should request tests for
syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV at least once
a year. More frequent STD t
esting is recommended
for men at high risk.
1. CDC. Sexually Transmitted Diseases Treatment Guidelines, 2015. MMWR 2015 Jun 5; 64(RR-03);1-137).
f you are a member of the news media, please visit
 or contact the
News Media Line at CDC’s National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention:
404-639-8895 or
Other information requests may be directed to the Division of STD Prevention (
 or the
CDC-INFO Contact Center: 1-800-CDC-INFO (1-800-232-4636).
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Friday, December 11, 2015

The 8 Types of Breakups Every Woman Must Go Through in Her Lifetime

 sexual problem in woman

The 8 Types of Breakups Every Woman Must Go Through in Her Lifetime


They say breaking up is hard to do, and we couldn’t agree more. Everyone has at least one tragic, hilarious, and/or awkward breakup story to tell. These oftentimes painful experiences are more universal than you might think. We’ve broken down eight common splitting up experiences. Maybe you’ve experienced one...or, oof, all eight of them.

1. The Text-Message Termination

If you’ve dated in the 2000s, chances are this has happened to you (or you’ve done it to someone else). Let’s be honest; sometimes it’s a relief—you might have been feeling the same way but were unable to bring yourself to have that awkward voice-to-voice conversation. Other times, it can feel like a punch in the gut. This one can also be called the, “I don’t really owe you anything” breakup or the “We just had sex once, and I have no interest in doing it again” severing of ties.

 2. The Ghost

Also known as the disappearing act. Maybe the only thing worse than being dumped by text is not being properly dumped at all! Most people would rather hear a “no” than nothing. “Ghosting” is the unofficial term for this maneuver. Cut your losses and move on, but whatever you do, no follow up “making sure you got this” messages.

3. The Quick Goodbye

This is the polar opposite of the oldest trick in the book (leaving something so you have an excuse to see them again). This kind of breakup says, “I’m so over this, I’m willing to never see that helmet I left in your trunk again.” Or you finally work up the courage to end things, and he reminds you that he still has that book you loaned him. Having no interest in bringing any more face time into this dead end, you tell him to consider it a parting gift. Then you immediately block him on Facebook.

4. The Pubic Display of Dissatisfaction

This is the worst. It’s done on neutral ground so nobody feels comfortable having an emotional reaction. What are you going to do? Have a meltdown over your skinny latte at the local Starbucks? The good news is there is sugar at your immediate disposal to numb the pain right after your former lover bids you adieu.

5. The Ill-Timed Ending

Would you rather they had waited until after Christmas passed and then maybe New Year's, okay, Valentine's Day? Because that could go on forever. There is always some sort of special occasion looming, so if you don’t do it sooner or later, you’ll find yourself justifying your inaction with crazy logic. “Well, I can’t break up with him now, Flag Day is next week, and his sister’s anniversary is the week after that—what sort of monster am I?” It’s a rabbit hole no one wants to go down.

6. The BFF Betrayal

Ouch. This one stings. It may sound like a plot for a generic romantic comedy, but it can happen in real life. How do you get through it? Depending on how deep into the relationship you were, you could be looking at the loss of a lover and a gal pal. Or maybe you felt like he’d be better for her all along! In that case, high five, matchmaker.

7. The Slow Fade

Come on, we’ve all been guilty of the fade out. One or both of you aren’t really feeling the chemistry, but no one wants to admit it. So you keep trudging it out until one day your conversation becomes, “When are we hanging out again?” “Some time soon!” and other vague promises until you both give up trying. Galloping into the sunset on horseback optional.

8. The “Things are Just Really Crazy Right Now..."

This is an updated version of, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Often doled out by someone too afraid to utter, “I’m just not that into you,” the I’m-too-busy-for-a-relationship card is a favorite among the emotionally unavailable and the intimacy-phobic. We’re usually all better off without this person, but it can still be hard to swallow at the time.

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