The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Woman

The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Woman

sexual problem in woman

 The 10 Hottest Words to Say to a Woman



 Sometimes, even the simplest of phrases can piss a woman off. (“Calm down” comes to mind.) Why? Because words—however innocuous they may seem to you—always carry meaning to her: “[Women’s] brains are more wired for communication,” says Jaiya, a sex educator and author of Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: A Kinky Guide to the Best Sex Ever. “So words are going to have a little bit more weight to a woman than to a man.”

The upshot: That means your words can be a powerful aphrodisiac for your partner—a way to tap into her desire, any time of day. And there are some that work for almost every woman out there: “Words that help her feel wanted, desired, and sexy are going to usually universally trigger women,” says Jaiya. “They go from their ears down to their genitals,” she says.

Ready to memorize her sexual dictionary? Read on to start learning her language.

     1. "Yes."

Most women don’t want a yes man—i.e., a pushover—but they do love a guy who knows what he wants. “We’re attracted to men who are certain and decisive,” says DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach. “When a man speaks like that—‘yes’ or ‘absolutely’—it shows that certainty.” It also says you’re a guy who’s willing to do what makes her happy, including in the bedroom: “If she lets out a moan and you say, ‘yes,’ it gives her permission to go even deeper into her pleasure,” says Jaiya. “It helps her let go.”
  

   2. “Jessica.”

  




No, don’t call every woman Jessica. But yell (or whisper) your partner's name when you’re in the throes of passion. “Female pleasure is narcissistic,” says Jaiya. “Hearing her name makes her feel special. It’s about her, like, you’re the irresistible one. You’re the one with the magic hoo-hoo. It’s not about someone random.” In other words, tacking on her name is a dynamite way to reassure her that she prompted your pleasure, not some fantasy woman in your head.
3. “Love.”
"I love you” isn’t the only way to drop the “L” word—simply saying you love a specific part of her body will effortlessly ignite her desire. “The connotation of ‘love’ is intense and special,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Philadelphia and author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy. “’I like the way you look’ is lukewarm, but ‘I love the way you look’ sounds very positive and passionate.”
4. “Tight.”
There are two no-fail ways to use this word: in reference to her vagina, or when you're admiring her awesomely toned body. The former is especially powerful in the sack, because “every woman wants to feel like she’s virgin-esque to her man,” explains Lorraine. “It’s assurance that she’s making her man feel good and he’s aroused.” Read: You’re not only complimenting the youthfulness of her body—you’re also letting her know that she’s playing a potent role in your pleasure. “Actually describe to her how good she feels inside,” suggests Jaiya.

5. “Wet

Whereas everyone can see your erection, only you can detect her lubrication. “That’s a very intimate thing—you’re both in on the secret, that she’s turned on by you,” says Lorraine. Even referencing her wetness before she’s fully aroused can help produce the desired response: “The brain sometimes doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t,” says Jaiya. “When you tell a woman, ‘You’re getting so wet,’ her body will respond."

6. “You.”

Emphasize the woman—not the act. If you say, “You really turn me on,” you’re giving props specifically to your partner, says Goldman, but if you say, “I’m really turned on,” you’re just focusing on your own sexual experience. “She wants to know that there’s something about her that is arousing to you,” Goldman explains. Or as Jaiya puts it, “Tell her how she’s affecting you. That lets a woman know she is desired.”

7. “Cock.”

During couples counseling sessions, Jaiya reads off a list of erotic words, and asks the woman to raise her hand with one in particular that arouses her. What she consistently finds: Females choose “cock” over “penis,” “prick,” or “dick.” “Dick is more derogatory, like, ‘He’s a dick,’ or it’s a joke word,” she says. “But cock is very strong and masculine.” To preserve its erotic power, avoid using “cock” in everyday chit-chat with your partner—save it for your most intimate moments, Lorraine advises. That way, “it’s a little taboo and X-rated,” she says

8. "Hot pocket."

No, the microwaveable dinners aren’t the new aphrodisiac—this is a slang term for her vagina, and oddly enough, women love it. When Jaiya does the sexual trigger words exercise with couples, “almost everyone will raise their hands on hot pocket,” she says. Lesson learned: “If your woman has a sense of humor, don’t be afraid of funny words.” Coining sexual catchphrases that make you laugh can actually be an act of intimacy—a shared joke that only the two of you are in on, says Jaiya.

9. “Need.”

In case you haven’t watched the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, let us catch you up: Women want to be wanted—and they don’t want you to be shy about it. “Right now, in our culture, women are yearning to be desired,” says Jaiya. “It’s a backlash against the feminist movement—we taught all our guys to be really, really nice. They kind of apologize for their desire.” But now, girls want guys to be anything but reluctant. “We want to know you’re going crazy for us,” says Lorraine. So start verbalizing your desire by saying, “I need you so bad.” Hint: Save this one for times when you’re mutually starved for sex, like when you’ve been away on a business trip. That way, your desire doesn’t feel like a demand.

10. “Come.”

It’s perhaps the only word that simultaneously conveys desire, pleasure, orgasm, and loss of control, according to a recent paper in Sexuality & Culture. And that’s exactly why it’s so packed with erotic potential. But before you spout off, “I want to make you come,” make sure you’ve actually done so in the past—otherwise the word may just make her feel pressured to perform, says Lorraine. (Likewise, if your partner is rarely able to climax, this shouldn’t be your go-to line.) You can even try a little reverse psychology: “Play with orgasm control, like ‘You’re not allowed to come,’” says Jaiya. “Playing with that word within a power dynamic can be really hot.”


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How to Have Dirtier Sex than You Ever Imagined

 How to Have Dirtier Sex than You Ever Imagined

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All sex is good sex—in the beginning. When your relationship is fresh, new positions or novel settings are enough to keep you both interested and satisfied.

But as the years pass, it’s all too common to find yourself stuck with a sex life worn edgeless by routine and complacency.
 Fortunately, things don’t have to stay that way.


 Here, sex and relationships experts offer some sound advice for cranking up the kink and adding a little—or a lot—of spice to your flat-lined sex life.

(And for the comprehensive guide on how to have hotter, more satisfying sex, check out How to Pleasure a Woman. You’ll find tons of inspiration for new things to try with your partner, along with step-by-step instructions on how to give her the best orgasm of her life.)

THE TALK

“One person’s wet dream is another’s wet blanket,” says Tracey Cox, a U.K.-based sex expert and best-selling author. If you pull out your new moves in the moment, her startled reaction may frighten you both away from dirty sex for another few years.

Here’s a smarter idea: Discuss your ideas and turn-ons before you hit the lights, Cox stresses.

Start the conversation over a glass of wine at dinner—or in some other setting where you’re both comfortable and relaxed, suggests Sadie Allison, a doctor of human sexuality and author of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris.

It might be easier to begin this talk with relatively tame fantasies or role-playing ideas—stuff that will ease you both into the idea of new experiences, Allison says. It may also help to ask her what she’s into first. That way, you’re making it about her desires as well as your own, she adds.

When it’s your turn to share, be positive and confident about what you’re into, Cox stresses. If you make a big deal about asking or you look terrified once you make the request, that could freak your girl out or make her nervous, she says.

Also, be clear that you’re not expecting this every time you do it—only once in a while as a change of pace.

“Most people can cope with doing kinky things consistently but irregularly,” says Cox. “Few want to do it every single session.”

Related: 1,580 Women Reveal the Kinkiest Things They’d Let You Try Tonight

And, above all else, don’t force things, Cox warns. If you’ve told her you’re interested in something and she says it’s not for her, putting up a fight won't change her mind. On the other hand, being cool with her refusal might lead her to rethink things and give it a shot.

THE PREP

Watching some porn or reading erotica together may help charge you both up and make it easier to discuss new ideas, Allison says. If that sounds weird, remember, Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t a blockbuster book because dudes were reading it.

Chances are good your partner’s interested in this stuff even if she’s never discussed it with you. And it’s a lot easier to say “I like that” while watching or reading about sex than it is to describe your fantasy in detail.

Once you’ve agreed on some new moves to try, do your homework, Allison advises. Whether you’re trying anal sex for the first time or introducing a new toy into your bedroom, there are right and wrong ways to go about things. Knowing the pitfalls ahead of time is the easiest way to avoid them.

And unless your fantasies perfectly align, it may help to split your new sex initiatives into “his” nights and “her” nights, Allison recommends. Starting with her desires may be a good way to show her this is about the both of you, and may make her more enthusiastic when it’s your turn.

THE DETAILS

Kids are a kink-killer, so dropping them with your parents or getting away to a hotel for a night can help you and your partner disconnect from your distractions, Allison says.

(A hotel is also a good idea because new settings can ease your transition into new experiences.)

It’s also smart to set ground rules—how far each of you is prepared to go—and to establish a safe word, Cox advises. (Make your safe word something you would never say by mistake.)

This way, you can be sure you’re both enjoying yourselves and having fun without having to stop every few minutes to ask, “Are you cool with this?”

Related: The Risky Sex Trend More Couples Are Trying

In the end, remember that your relationship is more important than the experience you’re having in the moment, Cox says.

Give your girl a gentle hug and a kiss afterward, and tell her how much you enjoyed yourself. And, sometime in the next few days, talk about what you both liked—and what you didn’t—to ensure you walk away from the new experience feeling satisfied and willing to try it again soon.



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The First Thing You Must Do in Bed

The First Thing You Must Do in Bed

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Check this off and it'll make the rest of your romp better





 Generosity for the win: Focusing on what she craves in the sack also increases your arousal, says research in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Researchers studied “sexual communal strength”—the willingness to meet a partner’s sexual needs—in long-term couples. Both parties filled out daily sex surveys for 3 weeks. Four months later, generous lovers  reported higher levels of daily arousal AND more desire for their partner than the less-generous couples.
 Try these tips to unleash your power where it matters the most—in bed! Check out The Men's Health Big Book of Sex.

"There's a lot of research out there that suggests giving to others is good for the self," says lead study author Amy Muise, Ph.D., of the University of Toronto, and that effect is even stronger with a romantic partner. Plus, Muise says, knowing you can satisfy your partner's needs is a major confidence booster.

But zeroing in on her desires at the exclusion of your own won't deliver the same outcome, says Muise. The solution: Aim for compromise. If you usually perform oral sex on her because she loves to incorporate it into foreplay, see if she's up for something you want, like shower sex or a morning quickie before work. That way you'll both feel accounted for, Muise says.




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The Best Sex Positions For Your 30s, 40s, 50s, And 60s

The Best Sex Positions For Your 30s, 40s, 50s, And 60s

  

Like red wine and a fine cheddar cheese, certain things just get better with age. That said, you may not be able to pretzel yourself into the same sexual positions you could at 20. Or maybe you can, but not without some element of risk.

Maybe risk is part of the appeal. But if you're more concerned with safe sex—the kind that won't lead to embarrassing ER visits—here are some suggested sex positions for every decade of life.
 

Your 30s

About 25% of pregnant women experience pain around their pelvis, and roughly 8% are still dealing with it 2 years post pregnancy, U.K. research shows. This often springs from "sacroiliac joint pain"—a discomfort around your sacrum (located at the base of your spine) and the iliac bones (the two large bones that make up your pelvis), explains Isa Herrera, a physical therapist at Renew Physical Therapy in New York. As a result, many women in their 30s experience pain when attempting certain sexual positions. To avoid this pain, Herrera recommends an oldie but goodie: sex on all fours. "Since your hands and knees are on the floor or bed, it keeps your pelvis neutral," she explains.

MORE: 3 Best Sex Positions For Back Pain

Even if pelvic pain isn't an issue for you, sensitivity below the belt is common—especially if you've recently delivered. "Your nether regions will still be sore and tender, and your back may still hurt," Herrera says. She recommends a "spooning position," where you lie side by side with your partner, either facing each other or in the same direction. It's great for new moms who are still tender because it allows a woman to control the speed and depth of penetration, points out NYC sex therapist Amy Levine.

Your 40s

Cases of sciatica—pain in your lower back or hip that travels down through each of your legs—tend to first pop up in your 30s and 40s, according to the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons. (Try one of these 6 stretches that relieve sciatic pain.) The two best positions for this are, you guessed it, spooning and all-fours, both of which take pressure off of the sciatic nerve, says Natalie Sidorkewicz, a doctoral researcher at Canada's University of Waterloo who published a study on this very topic in 2014. But if you're feeling more adventurous, Herrera recommends “reverse cowgirl." Have your partner lie on his back, and sit on top of him with your back to his face. But “don't lean forward, which can aggravate pain," she notes.

MORE: 5 Reasons Why Sex Is Better In Your 40s

You can also try the "flatiron" variation of the all-fours position: Lie facedown, knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised (so your butt is in the air), with a pillow under your chest for support. "This keeps your spine neutral, which will help ward off pain," Herrera says.

MORE: 10 Moves To Tone Your Waist, Legs, And Butt—While Keeping Your Gorgeous Curves

Your 50s

Throughout menopause, the drop in estrogen may make sex more painful, thanks to dryness and thinning of vaginal tissue. You're also more likely to develop "pelvic prolapse," when a pelvic organ like your bladder drops from its normal place and pushes against your vagina, Herrera explains. Try a sitting position where you're facing your partner and perched on his lap, so you can ease onto his penis very gently. Once you're comfortable, you can control the movement to make it as rough or as gentle as you'd like. (Get your sex life back after menopause and beat weight gain with The Natural Menopause Solution.)

Another option is to lie on your back with a pillow underneath your hips and thighs to open up your pelvis and vagina for easier entry. (It also provides a little extra cushioning if your bones and joints are starting to get a wee bit achy.)

MORE: 7 Weird Things You Didn't Know About Your Vagina (But Definitely Should!)

Your 60s

About a third of men and women in their 60s suffer from osteoarthritis, according to the CDC. If that's the case for you, positions that put a lot of pressure on your knees or hips—like all-fours or cowgirl—are out, says NYC physical therapist Lynn Berman. "I try to encourage my patients to stand, which eases pressure on joints and also helps strengthen their bones," he says. Try standing with your back facing your partner as he enters you from behind. (Rest your arms on furniture for support and balance.)

If you're suffering from back pain—either from spinal osteoarthritis or a condition known as spinal stenosis—then your pain probably worsens when you arch your back or lie on your stomach. In this case, the missionary position with low-back support from a pillow is best, Sidorkewicz says. Straddling your partner works well, too, since you're controlling the movement. "Instead of using your spine to roll your pelvis, use your knees and hips," Sidorkewicz advises.


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