Are you ready for sex?

  Are you ready for sex?

 
 
 
 
  Find out the 10 things you need to ask yourself if you're thinking about having sex.

Most people have sex for the first time when they're 16 or older, not before. If someone’s boasting about having sex, it’s possible that they’re pretending.

Although there's a legal age of consent, it’s not necessarily the right age for you to start having sex.

 There are no rules about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. Being ready happens at different times for everyone – don't decide to have sex just because your friends are pressuring you.

You can read this whole page or go straight to the sections:

    It's your decision
    Talking about sex
    10 questions to ask yourself
    Safer sex
    Lesbian, gay or bisexual couples
    How do I bring up the subject of safer sex?
    Read the signs that they want sex
    Alcohol or drugs won't help
    Sex and the law

Deciding when to have sex

You can always choose whether you want to have sex, whoever you're with. Just because you've done it before, even with the same person, doesn’t mean that you have to do it again.

Working out whether you're ready is one of life’s big decisions. You're the only one who can, and should, decide. Whether you're thinking about losing your virginity or having sex again, remember the following tips:
How to talk about sex

It’s better to have an embarrassing talk about sex than an embarrassing sexual encounter before you’re ready. There are lots of things to think and talk about, such as:

    are you both ready?
    will you be having sex for the right reasons and not because of peer pressure?

Sex isn’t the only aspect of a relationship, and there are other ways of enjoying each other’s company.

 Discuss what you want and what you don’t want to do. You can do other things that you both like, such as talking, meeting each other’s family and friends, going to gigs or the cinema, doing sport, walking, and listening to music.
10 sex questions to ask yourself

You need to have the confidence to work out how you want to respond if sex comes up, and how far to go. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable. Is it the right time, in the right place, and with the right person? Do you really trust the person, and do you feel the same way about one another?

If you think you might have sex, ask yourself the following questions:

    Does it feel right?
    Do I love my partner?
    Does he/she love me just as much?
    Have we talked about using condoms, and was the talk OK?
    Have we got contraception organised to protect against pregnancy?
    Do I feel able to say ‘no’ at any point if I change my mind, and will we both be OK with that?

If you answer yes to all these questions, the time may be right. But if you answer yes to any of the following questions, it might not be:

    Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?
    Could I have any regrets afterwards?
    Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them?
    Am I thinking about having sex in order to keep my partner?

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex. Even if you’ve done it once or twice you still need to make sure that your boyfriend or girlfriend is as keen as you each time.
Tips on safer sex

When you decide to have sex, there's the possibility of pregnancy and/or catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) such as chlamydia. Whoever you're thinking of having sex with, it's important to talk about contraception and condoms before you have sex. Both of you have a responsibility to have this conversation.
Using condoms

You need to use condoms to reduce the risk of catching an STI, whoever you are having sex with.

If you're a boy/girl couple, you need to use an additional form of contraception to prevent an unintended pregnancy.
Choosing the right contraception

There are 15 different kinds of contraception, including the implant, injection, the combined pill and the progestogen-only pill.

Most kinds of contraception are used by girls, but both of you have a responsibility to consider which you will use. A pregnancy will affect both of you.
Lesbian, gay or bisexual couples

If you have lesbian, gay or bisexual sex you can still get or pass on STIs. You still need to know about contraception in case you have straight sex as well.

Find out more about sexual health for women who have sex with women and for men who have sex with men.
How do I bring up the subject of safer sex?

Starting a conversation about the different types of contraception could be a good way to start talking about other issues to do with sex, such as how you feel about it and what you do and don’t want to do.

You could try saying, "I found out that there are 15 different types of contraception…If we were to have sex, which one should we use?"

And researching the options together will help both of you feel more confident and in control of the situation. Find out about the 15 different kinds of contraception.

You can get free and confidential advice about sex, contraception and abortion at any time. Visit your local doctor, community contraceptive clinic, sexual health or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic (find your local services) or young persons clinic (call the sexual health helpline on 0300 123 7123 for details) to find out more.
Read the signs that they want sex

Many people are surprised when a situation leads to sex, so learn to read the signs. If someone suggests that you find a quiet place, or makes lots of physcial contact, or suddenly tries to charm and flatter you, they might be thinking about sex, even if you’re not.

You need to decide whether you want to have sex. Don’t let someone else decide for you by just going along with it. Make the decision in advance and stay in control of the situation, especially if you've had alcohol, because you'll be less inhibited.

If you’re not sure that you can stay in control, avoid situations that could lead to sex, such as going to someone’s room or somewhere quiet.
Alcohol or drugs won't help

Many people have sex or lose their virginity when they’re drunk. After a few drinks, you're more likely to lose your judgement, and you may do things that you wouldn't do normally. You may regret your actions in the morning, and you won't be able to undo what you’ve done.

People are more likely to have sex without a condom when they're drunk. This can lead to an STI or unintended pregnancy.

Find out more about sex, alcohol and keeping safe.
Sex and the law

The law says that it's legal for you to consent (agree) to sex from the age of 16. If you're under 16, you can get confidential contraceptive and sexual health services, including abortions. You can get free condoms from some GPs, community contraceptive or young persons clinics, and Brook Advisory Centres.

If you're under 13, the situation is different because the law says that you can’t consent to sex at this age.


collect by..http://www.nhs.uk

I’m tired of being kind to creepy men in order to stay safe

  ‘Every incident of harassment I witness, whether it’s at first- or second-hand, is making my world a little bit smaller and scarier.’ Photograph: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images


My Mum once told me her biggest regret was that she’d brought her daughters up to be so polite. It happened after one of my little sisters came home in tears. A “friendly” man at the train station had started making comments about her legs and asking if she had a boyfriend. “I really wanted to ignore him, but I didn’t want to be rude! I didn’t know what to do!” she wept. She was 14 at the time.

There’s obviously something about a quiet coach and a station buffet that encourages pervy passengers. British Transport Police have just announced that the number of sexual offences on trains and at stations has gone up by 25% in the past year, and is now at record levels. Any travelling woman who has ever sunk down in her seat and opened her book, only to be tapped on the shoulder and asked “What are you reading, then?” will be surprised that the numbers aren’t higher.

The impact of sexual harassment goes far beyond the incident

We’ve all been bothered by persistent guys who pester us relentlessly, believing themselves to be entitled to our company and more. We’re under pressure to be polite and manage their expectations. Ignored men are angry men, and it’s horrible to sit silently while a man shouts at a packed carriage: “She thinks she’s too good to talk to me!”

When it comes to responding to harassers, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t – and sometimes it gets to the point when dealing with entitled idiots is so exhausting that you feel safer staying at home.

When I was a student, I lived on a safe, central road in York right between the city centre and the university campus. For a while I was happy to walk up and down the road on my own, earphones in, handbag stuffed full of unread translations of Beowulf. Then one day, in the early afternoon, a large man grabbed my elbow and removed an ear bud. “What’s your name?” he asked. I was so stunned that it took me a full five seconds to realise that his hand was down his trousers. I stammered and stuttered, and he repeated the question. The two men who worked in the greengrocer across the street were laughing. “Oh, don’t worry! It’s Bill! He doesn’t mean any harm,” chuckled one, as Bill released me and set off in search of fresh female elbows.

Within a minute, I’d gone from bewildered to frightened to embarrassed to ashamed. Bill was not a man in the fullness of his mental health, and I thought the greengrocers were mocking me for being intolerant and closed-minded. “What’s your name?” is an innocuous enough question, regardless of where the asker’s hands are. I’d been made to feel bad for not answering.

So I started to plan a different path to class, setting off 20 minutes early to add enough loops to my route to avoid the trio that caused me trauma. I thought of the incident again on my way to yoga today. “I keep seeing you around – what’s your name?” asked a man outside the studio. I didn’t want to tell him, but I didn’t want to seem unfriendly or uptight. I was delighted when he misheard it, and didn’t correct him.

I know I’m not a special case. I suspect I experience as much harassment as the next young(ish) woman living in the centre of a city. Some women say they can ignore it entirely; others say they like elements of it. But it makes me feel fearful, anxious, and wildly self-conscious. I’m also regularly reading about the harassment of other women, which is widely reported on in social media, especially in Laura Bates’s excellent @EverydaySexism feed.

Every incident of harassment I witness, whether it’s at first- or second-hand, is making my world a little bit smaller and scarier. I don’t go out dancing any more, even though I adore it – because I know from experience that something bad might happen if I have to get home after midnight and the streets are full of potentially terrifying men who might not take it well if I don’t want to stop and say hello.

So I’ve imposed my own curfew, and try to be in bed by 11pm. During a chat about exercise a friend mentioned that she’s stopped running because of the number of men who will shout “compliments” and block her path to get her to slow down and talk to them. She misses running outside in the fresh air desperately, but the anxiety the harassment causes her is too great for her to risk it.

I can’t believe we live like this in 2015. Women should be enjoying more freedoms than ever before, but many of us are frightened, and we’re running out of options. We can submit to our sense of obligation and be polite to the harassers who might kick off if we ignore them, or we can cage ourselves in. We’re frustrated and exhausted.

We need the support of British Transport Police, and all law enforcement bodies, to spread the message that it isn’t flirting if it feels frightening. To create spaces where all women feel they are safe to look their harasser in the eye and say: “Leave me alone. I do not want to talk to you.” Because I’m tired of being kind to the creeps in order to stay safe. And I don’t want to stay in.


collect by...http://www.theguardian.com